Because my last attempt at meditating didn’t turn out so well, I decided to try doing things differently. Instead of positioning myself on the bed, I changed my room of choice to the living room.
Another difference was the frequency. Initially I chose to meditate only once a week, but it turns out that is not frequent enough for me. My fiancée was out on this particular Sunday, just one day after my second attempt at meditating. She is a bridesmaid in one of her friend’s wedding, and they had a bridesmaid dress fitting today.
The previous two times I only attempted to meditate no more than twenty minutes, which wasn’t enough time to get any benefits from now that I have thought about it a little bit more. So I set my timer for 30 minutes and that is my goal now.
My first time meditating I had coffee before I started, and I was able to get a few good minutes of meditation in. The second time meditating, I did not drink any coffee, and I got zero minutes of successful meditation. So for this time, I decided to drink coffee again. Maybe it will be helpful for me.
Before the previous two attempts at meditating, I did minimal research. But since last time was so unsuccessful, I decided to look up some helpful tips on the Internet. I spent the morning reading on meditation to get myself in the mood. I wanted to prepare myself mentally for my next attempt at meditation.
The timer on my iPhone was set at 30 minutes. I am sitting on the yoga mat with minimal noise distractions because all the windows are closed. I am sitting Indian style with my arms resting on my knees, palms facing up. I close my eyes.
One of the cats is walking near me but it isn’t too distracting. I focus on the darkness of my eyelids. I have some intrusive thoughts; but instead of trying to control those thoughts and force them out, I observe them, acknowledge that the thoughts are there, and let it go. I let the thoughts out of my system. I imagined breathing out those thoughts. I breathed in, and breathed out.
My eyelids are darkness, and I am focusing on them. I am in a comfortable position and am not fidgeting. I concentrate on the darkness encompassing my vision. I feel very calm. No thoughts are running in my mind. I feel at ease. I feel relaxed. No thoughts, no uncomfortable feelings, no stresses.
Here and there, my mind drifts into a random subject but I observe the thoughts, and let them go. I am finally getting the hang of this. I feel such calmness and such an acceptance of the thoughts, but I do not let them control me. I know those thoughts are there, but I am much more easily to let them go.
Focusing on my eyelids instead of my breath seems more beneficial for me. It makes it easier for me to concentrate.
Unfortunately I don’t make it for 30 minutes. I look at my iPhone and 10 minutes have passed. However, those ten minutes felt really, really good. I feel much more relaxed, calm, stress-free. Compared to the previous two attempts where I felt more stressed out because I couldn’t get the meditating thing down. But this time, I felt very, very relieved.
I felt using the yoga mat instead of the bed helped me. Drinking coffee beforehand helped me. Reading about meditation beforehand helped me get in the mood. The timer didn’t have much of an effect on me, I don’t think. Maybe I will try to work my way up to 30 minutes eventually. But I have made a lot of positive changes so far. Let’s see if I can keep this up.
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