This morning’s meditation session was intense. I have been meditating now for about a month. I got my routine down to 3-4 times a week, usually in the morning before work and on Saturdays when my fiancée is at her job. For every session before todays, my experience has always been different. Sometimes I get a lot out of it, and other times I feel like it’s a waste of my time.
This morning, however, was definitely mind opening.
I start off like I normally do, by focusing on my breathing and the darkness of my eyelids. My mind is blank. Whenever a thought comes to my head, I quickly dissipate it and continue to think of absolute nothingness. In the past, this method has brought me back 50-50 results. When it’s good, I feel like a million bucks the rest of the day. But other times, I feel I would have been better off just sleeping in.
On this sunny morning, I am focusing my mind and –something different happened. Thoughts were coming to my head, but not just random thoughts; they were introspective thoughts about myself. Thoughts about why I act the way I do; why I think the way I think, why I react in certain situations. At first, I tried to dispel the thoughts and continue to focus on my breathing. But instead, I absorbed the thoughts and let them pass through me. I accepted them and moved on.
I was seeing myself in a different light. I was giving myself a new explanation for how I have acted in the past. For example, in certain situations when I get irritated at my significant other, it isn’t her fault; but it is because of my own insecurities. This meditation session helped me see that, and so much more. I could see my own weaknesses and my own faults, whereas in the past, I would create excuses for myself and put the blame on others. I could see where I need to grow as a person and as a boyfriend.
It was an eye-opening experience. It didn’t last very long, somewhere between five and ten minutes. But it was perhaps one of the best meditation sessions I have partook in so far.
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