How Meditation Helped Me Cope with A Breakup

There’s a reason why I haven’t updated this blog in over a month.

If you’ve read the About Meditating Millennial section of this website, you would know that I am engaged to be married. After being together for almost five years, that is no longer the case. My ex-fiancée and I are no longer engaged to be married, and we are no longer together.

The past month has been emotionally draining. I love to meditate, and I love to write; however, it is extremely difficult to focus on those two things when one is in a constant state of flux and depression. I had so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions running through my mind and body that I could not concentrate on what would’ve helped me out the most—meditation and writing.

The initial breakup hit us both hard. We are different now than who we were five years ago when we first met. In our early twenties, we thought we could overcome all obstacles and make “us” work. Unfortunately for “us,” as we were both growing older, we were both moving in separate directions. The writing was written on the wall long ago. We both knew it, but did not want to admit it to ourselves or to each other. A change in our relationship was noticeable within the past year, but we had been through so much together that we couldn’t bring ourselves to talk about it.

Until a month ago.

A breaking point in our relationship—we had a long, long talk. We were both unhappy with the direction our relationship was heading towards. We knew changes had to be made. We tried working through it. We tried couples counseling. We tried talking through it some more. We tried to bring back those feelings we had for each other like in the beginning of our relationship.

But it was too late. We were both too damaged that our relationship couldn’t be repaired. I could never empathize when someone was said to be “damaged goods,” but now I can completely relate to that reference. I felt like half a man. Part of me was living physically in this world, but the other half was in a constant state of depression, unable to feel any other emotion.

Over the past month, I’ve only been able to sit and meditate a few times. I knew I needed to meditate; I knew it would have helped me. The first week or so I was too emotionally distraught to do anything at all. My appetite disappeared. I had no motivation to go to the gym. I was a zombie at work. Of course I did not want to feel this type of way, but it felt like I had no other choice. This was my fate.

But then one sunny, Saturday morning, I was finally able to bring myself into a meditation session. I sat on a cushion and closed my eyes. The two cats were lying down next to me, one on either side. I focused on my breath. Even though it had been a couple weeks since I had meditated, it was like I didn’t miss a beat. I concentrated on my breath and did not stray. I was calm. I was relaxed. I thought that maybe, just maybe I could get through this tumultuous time of my life.

That meditation session only lasted about 15 minutes. I couldn’t focus anymore after that. My mind drifted back to the breakup. I got up and ended my session. A short fifteen minutes of meditation, however, helped me immensely. I was more mindful after that session. That quarter of an hour helped me realize there is a light at the end of this tunnel. No, my life is not over. Yes, things are changing. Things are always changing. But if I am mindful, I can manage those changes in my life without it affecting me so negatively.

That Saturday, that sunny Saturday morning, I had finally accepted our ending relationship. I still hurt, but I realized it is okay to hurt. It is normal to have these feelings—especially after a life-changing experience like breaking off an engagement with someone I had once thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with. Someone who I envisioned having children with. Growing old together. Experiencing life together.

The next few weeks, my emotions were still volatile. But, I was now able to recognize when I was feeling sadness, and veer myself back to mindfulness. If I caught myself feeling sad, I would accept that feeling of sadness, and focus back to my breath. If I was walking and all of a sudden felt grief, I would go back to my meditative walking technique.

It was easier to get through the day at work because my mind was occupied with what needed to get done, but once I got home, feelings of sadness would overcome me again. I still couldn’t get myself to write anything. Even though I knew meditating consistently would be beneficial, I could only do it maybe once a week. I was still emotionally struggling.

Today, as I write this, I am still damaged. But, my daily mindfulness and my frequency of meditation sessions have recently been increasing. And it is having a positive effect on my life. I am able to write this post and I am so, so very relieved.

I do not know where I would be if I had not discovered meditation. I cannot speculate on how I would be feeling right now if I did not practice mindfulness. But, because of those practices, I am healing. Emotionally, mentally, and physically I am better. I have my appetite back. I have been going to the gym on a regular schedule. My relationships with friends and coworkers are stronger. I no longer focus on the negative.

Life goes on.

I move forward.

 

To receive new posts automatically, enter your email and subscribe. For more information about myself or my blog, click About Meditating Millennial. My next post will be on the topic of meditation spaces.

36 thoughts on “How Meditation Helped Me Cope with A Breakup”

  1. This was fantastic to read. Mindfulness has become a huge part of my life – both personally and professionally. Honestly, last year it became more of a priority during my own break up after a five year relationship. I suppose until then, I did not realize how uncomfortable I was with allowing myself to feel anything but “happiness”. It wasn’t until I started to accept my feelings and become comfortable with the ‘uncomfortable ones’ that I fell in love with someone else – me. Well done.

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  2. People we love do come and go in our lives devastating our reality. I like how you are using mindful meditation to cope with the break up and move on. You are not languishing in a self defeating mindset of pity and blame. Myself, when I learned our planet earth is a third dimensional classroom of lessons we choose to go through in order to grow spiritually – I healed and was able to move on. Keep up the good work!

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  3. Thanks for sharing this. I might be in a similar situation soon. I’m in my mid 20s, and feeling really unhappy about the direction of my 7 year relationship… but still the thought of losing my partner/best friend is completely devastating. My heart hurts reading your post because I relate so much. It does help a bit to be reminded that people make it through these things. I’ve been meditating for a year and it has definitely helped me my depression and anxiety. I hope it will help me if I do decide that a breakup would be better for me in the long run. This post was written a while ago– aI hope you’re doing ok now?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think its important to share your feelings the way you have……it helps in releasing the negativity and in a way the depression; where you can move on. The sun will shine on you again. Good luck and I look forward to more of your posts on your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is so inspiring. I am so glad to hear you are nurturing yourself in a healthy way during this hard time. It’s sure not easy. Know you are not alone, and you will get through this. You will be so much stronger, and if you feel the bad feelings deeply now, you’ll be able to feel all the future good feelings deeply as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I admire your dedication to mediatation – I find myself too impatient and I often forget, but you are right that it is always there when you need it and a good tool for helping you get through th bad stuff. I hope things improve for you soon and I truly look forward to investingating your blog more to help me on my own midnfulness journey.

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  7. Meditation is a great tool to manage the ups and downs of life. I look forward to reading more about your practice and if it helps. Also i hope you will try recitations of poetry or psalms.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Big hugs. You know about meditation clearly. I have been through pain in life and i put on a cd of song and meditate through the pain… as you know sometimes meditating is hard in pain… but it the only way..even if that meditation session is full of tears. And that repeats each time. Meditation and listening to good things will help you repair ..eventually.

    I know it is hard and this comment is saying what you know… however i still say it because we need to hear it from some one else.. so i hope you dont mind me being that someone else

    Take care… clouds pass they dont stay forever

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Love your way with words. I often think meditation is like a supportive friend or a way of channelling our own ability to comfort and support ourselves. I do hope you start to feel much better but don’t rush it – you’ll get there in the end. Hugs 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Sorry for your loss, glad you are moving forward. I’ve tried to ‘meditate my way out of’ sadness & stuff in the past. One of my teachers has said, emotional issues have to be sorted out, before you can expect to be able to focus the mind etc… I am so impressed that you saw that from the outset and didn’t try to battle with your mind under the guise of ‘meditation’.

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  11. Amazing post. Amazing that you made that difficult and mature decision together, and amazing you are taking care of yourself. I have been through a divorce and I get it. Meditation is great, writing is great, and yoga is amazing too. I’ll share with you the words from my own ex which helped me to “get over it” and move on, the most. He said, “You know Kate, a lot of people go through what we’re going through right now, they all survived, we’re both gonna be okay.” Hope that helps!

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  12. You have talked about feeling depressed, but I’m wondering whether it is grief you are experiencing. We tend to associate grief with the death of someone we love but whenever and however we lose someone or something important to us, grief is a fairly natural reaction/response. I wish you well …

    Liked by 4 people

  13. I mediated for 15 minutes yesterday as well! I was suffering from a lot of stress and insecurity and the mediation just about saved me. It’s amazing isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

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